I saw you tonight and realized that, in my mind, I have placed you on a pedestal. I have marked you as sup-human, something more than what you really are. Rather than the walls crumbling down, I was okay with being wrong and I could handle it. I didn’t hate you or feelm disgusted by the fact that you’re simply human and I felt something.. forgiveness.. for your human faults.
Perhaps if I am able to accept someone I had so revered as human then I, too, can accept myself as such.
A new understanding came along with that – the understanding that I control much more of this than I think, at least my outlook on it all. Although I think such a large part of me would be content to remain unhappy and complaining…
Lately, I’ve been quite bitchy and pathetic. I’m pissing off most of my friends and I’m really close to doing something stupid. Wonderful, eh?
I don’t know.. I need to e-mail Rian.