Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
May 31

Bitch and Moan

“They don’t even have sex! How are they going to use the internet?” – Me

Happy Birthday to me! Actually, unhappy birthday. I got my period, work sucked, all my friends went camping without me, I’m not talking to Rian, the grocery store sucks, my belt loop broke, I’m tired and I’m wasting my life.

On the bright side: mom’s buying me a Scooby Doo cake and bringing over Samantha, today. I came home to the best voice mail ever.

<3 The search page now works. I'm alive, in love, able to support myself and have the internet. Heh. Let me point out a few key cons to today/last night, though. Ashley disappears and I found out from her mom she's camping at Nathaniel's Grandpa's. She returns and obviously doesn't realize she's not told me she went comping and proceeds to tell me that she went with Christina, Joe, Jay, Tameka, etc.. Well, it was nice to be invited. I know, I know. I couldn't go but not telling me was pretty sucky of them and I'm curious as to whether or not I'll get a birthday card/e-mail/call from anyone or if Christina will even stop in before she leaves. Last night I figured I have just enough time to run to the store and buy some milk so I can have cereal for my breakfast/supper thing. Weeeell, the cashier is all "Is the checking account 2 years old" to which I tell her yes and then she's all "We don't accept checks from your bank." WTF? I know as a cashier that I can try to argue with her that my account exists and I have funds or that I can become belligerent, create a scene, and try to intimidate her into accepting my check, which will be a bad idea. Either way, I had no milk and no time to run home to get my "check card" which she told me I could use, twice. Honey, I brought checks for a reason, you know. I'm actually going to grab my card, get the milk, and talk to the manager after I post this. At work I realized that I'm 19 and working a full time job which makes me bitchy, without fail, every single day and hinders my social life and there is no point to this all. I dread going to work and I spend half my time at home bitching about it. I spend half my time at work bitching about it. By it, I mean the cow. I’d spend all my time bitching but sometimes she’s actually within earshot. I’m not in school and while I know I should be saving my money, I’m not entirely sure why I’m saving it. I have no clear goal.

I’ve recently decided that college definitely is what I want to do, again. This is good. I don’t know why I ever would have though that college wasn’t in my best interests. It will be difficult, yes, but I cannot allow myself to do this every day. I work and I sleep and I have very little time for friends and no motivation to even see them. I’m not entirely sure if I still want to go for webdesign. Maybe later on. I love it as a hobby and I definitely want to learn more. Hell, I’d be willing to shell out the money just to go to school to learn more about it, but I think that even though going to the school I had picked, or even one like it, will not work out in my immediate future. By immediate future, I mean any time in, say, the next 10 years.

Part of the reason for that is money, of course, but also time and my commitment to Rian. Although it’s apparent now that my life shouldn’t hinge on him and that if ‘we’ must wait, so be it. I think I’m so “hinged” because getting married is much more tangible than going to college right now. However, since my change of heart about what degree I’d like to pursue, I could see where marrying might actually help me go to college.

You see, I think I really would like to work with makeup. It seems to be pretty obvious to me, now. I imagine Japan would have a few beauty schools and I can only imagine the awesomeness of this. Additionally, it would be so much cheaper and less time consuming that going for a degree in visual communications, right away. I’m not really sure if this is practical at all but it seems so much more appealing to me. It’s certainly something to think about, anyway. (And how much you wanna bet that Wendy would so totally move to Tokyo? XD)

I just don’t want to be wasting away here in Wausau. I’m not even having any fun like a normal teenager and my current situation really won’t allow me to. College would still be a bit off but there’s a few things I can do to remedy my current situation, like getting my license. Weeee.

Anyway, off to the store now.

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