Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Apr 12

5 Years Self Employed!

In April 2010, my marriage was falling apart. I hadn’t worked since we’d returned stateside, and I was terrified of having to work yet another dead-end retail job. I hated them all, perhaps because I still thought I was better than the job and the people that I worked with and definitely because I am not good working under people who aren’t as smart as I am.

There were many naysayers, including my ex-husband and even good friends, who were sure I wasn’t going to make it. But I sat at my computer and I typed and typed and typed. I was making less than I am now per word and the type of work I qualified for was pretty mediocre, so I had to work harder and longer at work that I cared about far less than my current work.

But I guess it paid off. I moved up in rank. I was able to work less. This has led to my amazing schedule, which allows me to spend lots of time with friends and family. And I’m now working with a client who I really enjoy, about a topic that is right up my alley — sex — for a goodly amount of money. I am even considering buying a house.. next year. It’s exciting.

For years, I attributed this success to luck or timing. It wasn’t determination intelligence or talent on my own part. But, I think after five years, I should take some of that credit. I’m not sure this will last forever, but this little era has already been pretty awesome.

Some time this month I hope to celebrate with people.


Apr 01

Family Ties

At first glance, I am so unlike my mom. She is more rough around the edges and simple in many ways. She’s not only driven by emotions — she’s fueled by them. I try to use logic to make better decisions and communicate more effectively. I’m a complex person, even though I’ve come to understand that I can be simpler than I ever thought and that maybe being complex isn’t bad.

I care more about appearances and presentation. I take more care with my looks and the words I choose. I am better, overall, at language and communicating effectively. I also have deeper understanding of the interactions people between and how things work, especially when it comes ot technology.

But when you compare us, you’ll see likenesses. We say some things in similar ways. It’s a tonal thing; although, we do use some of the same turns of phrase. There’s another similarity that I’ve been thinking about lately, too.

Both my mom and I come off as the type of people who won’t stand for anyone’s crap. In reality, we both shy away from confrontation more than you expect. I think this surprised people. No one is super comfortable with confrontation, and the way

I “avoid” confrontation by attempting to deal with issues in a forward and logical way. Thanks to marriage counseling, I’m much better at arguing in a constructive manner than, well, many people. So confrontation becomes less about fighting and more about understanding, thus making it less anxiety-causing to begin with.

Mom, on the other hand… Well, she’s not so good with the communication. If she’s frustrated with you or you’ve hurt her, she’s more likely to tell other people. This only increases her frustration and multiplies the drama. Of course, the original issue remains unresolved.

There is a common thread, I think, between the two of us. There’s a sort of fear about dealing with other people, I think, and not being able to express ourselves or appearing foolish. While Mom takes the angry route, I try to aim for the higher road — to understand why people do things, to forgive them and to be the bigger person as much as possible.

I’m generally more at ease and content with this aspect of my life because of this, and it’s something I wish she was more self-aware about because then she could be, too.

Still, I’m not so good at dealing with certain people. Usually it’s because the way they argue triggers a more emotional response to me. Some of my friends fight in a way that reminds me of my ex, and I respond in kind. It’s not so pretty.

I’m also afraid of pushing some people away with confrontation. While I realize that I have good intentions and anyone who should know this but runs away maybe isn’t the sort of force I need in my life to begin with, it’s hard because sometimes I wind up caring about those types of people.

Ultimately, I would rather err on this side. But there is still progress to be made. I think I can be understanding of others without selling myself short. I can — and should — be able to explain myself in a reasonable manner and should expect others to react in kind as much as possible. Realistically, I know we are fallible humans, but I should be able to confront people when it’s called for and be prepared to lose people who aren’t as rational as I am.

But I’ll probably avoid that change for a while. ;)


Mar 16

Application To Be Cole’s Friend

People just seem to love me. It might sound arrogant, but people love me more than I tend to love them. I often take more time to warm up to them than they do to me.

And my first impressions are just god awful. I’m not kidding guys.

But I’ve come up with a solution! A quick and mostly pain-free way to determine whether a new person is friendship material. And perhaps even more!

And you, my lucky lab rats friends, can be part of the solution!

Just fill out this hand

So, there you have it, folks. A tried-and-true method to finding friendship in the 21st century.


Mar 07

It’s Raining Babies

I am brimming with thoughts inspired by being in a different environment, surrounded by different people — some of whom I’ve met a time or two and some of whom were strangers.

This has reaffirmed my view and boosted my satisfaction, in some ways, about my life. Being surrounded by people who discuss nothing more than their children, their husbands and family drama is, well, tedious. It gives me pause. Do these people have anything more in their lives? Especially when it comes to women. Is there some greater meaning? Is a baby shower an escape to them while it’s tedious for me?

This isn’t to say that I had no fun. I did have fun. I ate. I laughed. I played games. I was able to celebrate with friends. I was also shocked at just how small the first was when my best friend’s mother-in-law walked in with her husband and when I realized that another guest at the party was the awkward sister of my uncle’s ex-girlfriend. I didn’t say anything, but it was interesting nonetheless.

To add to the feeling, I overheard people discussing someone who has now become a pretty good friend and her ex-husband. Again, just a small world. It makes me feel a sense of relief when I think of people

The baby shower also reassured me that the types of games played at baby shows are, well, super lame. And they don’t become any more fun the more you play them. As far as parties go, baby showers are the worse! If I were pregnant, I wouldn’t want a party reminding me that I can’t drink. Realistically, any baby shower I would have would have to be strange. No typical games. I’m not sure what I would play, but they would be ridiculous and weird, just like me!

Finally, I’m incredibly grateful not to have or to be expecting children. It might be selfish, but I am so glad to have my time to myself. I can do whatever I want at the spur of the moment. I have expendable cash. My personality isn’t flat because I have no time or energy to have one. I know that parenthood brings people joy. It might even bring me joy, but from my standpoint, it just looks more like a curse than a blessing.

Anyway, today’s wonderfully-warm weather — over 40 degrees and sunny! — and clean air in my lungs led to a boost in energy, which I used to deep clean most of my apartment as soon as I got home. I am finally sitting down to relax with a chick flick, and I shall end this here!

P.S. What’s up with Wisconsinites calling sloppy joes BBQ?

 


Mar 03

A Balancing Act

I can’t recall the last time I posted in this blog, which doesn’t bode well for the success of the blog. I want to say that it’s not because I’ve been busy, but that’s not entirely true. There have been thoughts and feelings and goings-on that I don’t think belong in a space where you, stranger, can read them.

This is consistent with a gradual shift toward more offline communication and fewer and more trivial interactions within the online realm, even with friends I was once incredibly close to. It’s sad, but it makes sense.

As I look forward, there are a few things I’d like to do, and most of them have something to do with finding balance. for example, I want to read more, but I want to find the happy medium between novels and short story collections, fiction and non-fiction, so on and so forth. I think I’ve been doing a lot of light reading, which certainly isn’t terrible, but I should do some more novel reading, too.

The same balance needs to exist between socializing and taking down time. I find that I am socializing maybe more than is comfortable, so I thirst down recharging time. But when I have that time, I often wind up contacting others instead of really vegging out, which I think I need to do for my own sanity.

This leads to me wasting a lot of time with Facebook games and such, which I need to pare down. If I did, I’d definitely have enough time to do more reading and to both relax completely without trying to distract myself from other thoughts.

One thing I am struggling with is how I feel so completely done with being single. In the past, being single hasn’t been such an issue, but it’s been a while and I’m struggling with the desire to be with someone and my general loathing of most people. It kinda makes meeting new people difficult, heh. I’ve been considering online dating again, but it just isn’t the best fit for me.

Perhaps most importantly, I need to find the balance between having goals and wanting to improve myself but not being so hard on myself that it stalls progress.